Friday, March 21, 2014

Praying for Wisdom and Understanding

     Oh, how I have prayed for this many times since coming on the field of Nicaragua.  I find myself praying it even more now since beginning language school.  As you read in my post several weeks ago, my tear ducts sprung a leak and I have to admit they continued to leak that very next Friday in Spanish class, Saturday morning and that afternoon.  I just didn't feel adequate.  I didn't feel like I could do anything right much less learn to speak another language.
     Well, as I began this post on February 18th I didn't feel as if anything had changed but today, March 21, 2014 and I can not say the same thing, I can now say something has changed...... my perception and my attitude.  I am where I need to be.  I am doing just fine in language school.  I can do many things right.  I must look at each day differently but I need God's help with that every day....more like every minute of every day! There are still days that I struggle with giving everything over to God.  My human, selfish side pokes its ugly head out and that is when I have to retreat back to my room for some down time before I show more of that selfish side than I already have shown (which if you know me, it's not pretty at times).
     I am not perfect and feel as if I am very transparent, probably to a flaw but I  know that God continues to use me in ALL my flaws to do His work.  The past 3 months have been very challenging at times and very rewarding at times.  We have had to truly rely on God with so many things - learning a new language, maneuvering around a large city in a foreign country, speaking enough Spanish to be able to get our point across, homeschooling our children, and the most difficult for me is our finances.  Can I just share my heart?  Well, of course, I can...I am the one writing, haha.  Anyway, it seems like since I was in college I have struggled with money.  Not in the sense of having a love of money or managing my money but being able to give our finances over to the Lord.  This is where trust comes into play.  DO I TRUST GOD?  Yes I trust that He will take care of us and provide for our needs but for some reason it seems more difficult when we are living in another country as missionaries.  It is not like I can go out and get a job to make up for any difference in our support given for the month.  So this is where we have to 1) TRUST the Lord and 2) humble ourselves to make phone calls, send emails or messages via Facebook to supporters who have not given.  The later is harder than the first.  But we know that God has us in Nicaragua for such a time as this so I know that HE will provide in ways that we can never imagine.  So, please continue to pray for us as we continue to follow where God leads!